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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Stoicism in the face of insults

When I read Irvine's book on Stoicism, I was somewhat amused by the chapter on insults.  I can't remember the last time I really got insulted.  And I live in New York, which is known for being a bit confrontational.  Since I mostly avoid any sort of confrontation, I seem to be pretty good at avoiding situations in which I might get insulted.

These days, it seems the most likely place to get insulted these days is on the internet.  If you haven't noticed by now, people on the internet are... well, this Penny Arcade comic seems to explain it pretty well.

Achieving serenity in internet discussions is possible.  Here's what I found works:

  • Allow people to have their own opinions without challenging them (see this classic xkcd comic).  Most people will not be swayed by whatever you have to say. Just let them be and do not engage.
  • If you somehow find yourself being challenged, do not get angry.  You can ignore the reply entirely, but if you do, you cannot continue in the same conversation.  That's just bad form.  The standard response to a challenge in internet conversations seems to sometimes contain a defense of the point, but much more often contains an offensive move.  It's better, though, if you just confine yourself to a direct response that is to the point and do not stray beyond it.
  • Observe discussion respondents.  Engage those respondents proportionally to their rationality.  Don't feed the trolls, and don't argue with idiots.  But it someone is rational and disagrees with you, it often is worth it to engage in a reasonable, friendly discussion.  You might learn something.
  • Don't get caught up in details. Argue the large point, and defer technical discussions to experts.  If you find yourself straying into details of a discussion where neither you nor your opponent have expertise, do not attempt to win by learning just enough to win.  That way is fraught with danger, since your opponent may know just enough to get you into trouble.  You can't go wrong with deferring to the experts.
  • Avoid the urge to immediately respond to a post, however wrong it is.  Wait for a little while and come back to it later.  Hopefully you will be disassociated enough to let it go.
And of course remember: if you are insulted and don't respect the insulter, then the insult is meaningless.  If you do respect the insulter, than attempt to take the insult to heart and better yourself.

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